Death By Toast

Burned alive by toast

Would be majorly shitty

Oh. False alarm. Phew.


As you may have surmised from the blog title and the wondrous piece of haiku above there was a fire alarm at work today.

No one took it seriously.

It turned out to be caused by the over-eager toasting of bread in the fourth floor kitchenette.

There was little in the way of fire marshalling in evidence. Several of my colleagues actually carried on a meeting, seemingly oblivious to the sirens. It was zen-like to behold. One of the ladies in the office was having an argument with IT about resetting her password as I made my to the door. “Get off the phone you crazy bitch. This place is going up in flames and if you don’t get out of here right now you’re going to have much bigger problems. Sure, you may still need a password but that’ll pale into insignificance when you realise you are a human crisp fused to a melted, volcanic Dell-shaped lump of hardware in the post apocalyptic wasteland that used to be our building,” I nearly said. I settled in the end for a relatively stern “I’m gonna go I think. You coming?” Leaving her in no doubt about the gravity of the situation.

So about six of us went downstairs, hung around and waited for the all clear which came in the form of someone not from our floor saying “Fuck this. I’m going back in.”

If it had been someone from our floor I might have had doubts but you can’t beat the comforting surety of a confident stranger so I went back in. There was a brief rumour on the stairs about it being a rogue smoker but my money was always on toast.

In other news I completed a story called Apathetica tonight which does have a relatively strong oh-bollocks-this-really-is-my-life-at-work bias and utilises a fire alarm in one unwritten but hinted at scene.

What else do you need to know…well I’ve got two new stories coming up on Literally Stories soon thanks to a series of well placed bribes with my fellow editors. I’m managing to keep up my current rate of output through a combination of red wine, vitamin C and cough syrup…oh, and I’ve got a squeaky keyboard.

You don’t need to know any of this of course…but such is the joy of writing. There’s nothing like finishing a piece of writing to make you want to write some more. If I went to bed before writing this post I’d have been completely wired and awake.

Now I’ll just be checking my phone for emails telling me someone liked my blog – which is much more restful.

Sweet dreams lovely people.

4 thoughts on “Death By Toast

    • Laughter can only be a good thing! As for work some people might say I don’t actually “work” in my own building – unless you classify daydreaming about writing and spouting endless drivel to anyone who will listen “work” 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Oops…yeah I forgot it was a cash under the counter arrangement Diane 🙂 Glad it gave you a laugh – the title was nagging at me the whole day so I had to write something! Will give Apathetica a tidy up today and hopefully send it through later this evening…


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