Bearly Believable

“…we return now to our lead story in Toy Town this evening, the murder of local entrepreneur Theodore Bear. Tess, what can you tell us?”

“Thanks Rupert. Yes, the whole of Toy Town is in shock and mourning tonight at the callous murder of Theodore ‘Teddy’ Bear at his home here on Kodiak Lane. Theodore was, as you know, the pioneer of the Keep Our Woods Faeces Free project and a much loved local figure. Early indications are that this was not a random shooting, rather a cold blooded execution.”

“What evidence is that being based on Tess?”

“Well Rupert an eyewitness states that he saw Mr Bear being approached by a Smurfian national at the gate to Mr Bear’s house. A heated argument ensued during which the Smurf drew his weapon and ordered Mr Bear to perform a number of actions.”

“What else did the witness have to say Tess?”

“He believes that the as yet unidentified Smurf was known to Mr Bear prior to the tragic events playing out. He repeatedly called him ‘Teddy’ which suggests familiarity.”

“You mentioned actions. What kind of action was Mr Bear asked to perform, and did he comply?”

“He did indeed Rupert, despite some of the requests being quite odd. Initially he was told to ‘touch the ground’ and then to ‘turn around’. At this point the Smurf became quite agitated. This could be due to Mr Bear not turning around fast enough but really that’s just speculation at this time.”

“And after he turned around?”

“The witness claims the Smurf drew a gun at this point and screamed ‘Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear show your shoe’. Mr Bear complied with the request and was then told ‘That will do’. It’s unclear at this time what the Smurf believed the shoe would reveal. The Smurf then placed the gun into the small of Mr Bear’s back and shoved him towards the house. Mr Bear unlocked the door and was pushed inside. The Smurf again seemed agitated and started yelling further instructions.”

“Did he retain that same sense of familiarity to the victim Tess?”

“Indeed he did Rupert. He began by shouting ‘Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear climb the stairs’ which he followed with the chilling instruction to ‘say your prayers’. The witness then claims to have seen a light go on in the bedroom window which prompted the Smurf to scream ‘Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear turn out the light.’ The witness assumes Mr Bear complied as the light was extinguished.”

“And then the gunshot was heard?”

“Not immediately Rupert. The witness claims that he heard the Smurf shout ‘Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear say goodnight’ prior to the actual gunshot.”

“Thanks Tess. We’ll be back with Tess for more updates later but first here’s Paula with tonight’s weather…”


Author’s Note: This story will be at least 17.68% funnier if you’ve heard the Teddy Bear Teddy Bear Turn Around song for children.

9 thoughts on “Bearly Believable

    • Thanks Jason – I figured if I have to keep listening to these nursery rhymes with my kids it’s my duty to expose the real story behind them 🙂 Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment

      Liked by 1 person

    • So true Diane. I remember a time where a murder in Toy Town would have been the headline for weeks – now Theodore is just another passing statistic. The networks just see dollar signs.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Alright I have an official wedding march! Teddy bear, teddy bear touch your nose! I missed this one, both the song and the post. Sorry for that (again: both song and post).

    Liked by 1 person

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