Just Chatting With My Brain

Are you writing directly on to your blog?

Yes. What of it?

Don’t you what of it me sunshine. You never write directly on to your blog. Never ever. Ever. You are strictly a write-it-down-somewhere-else-and-paste-it-later kind of a guy.

So? Can’t I try something new every now and then?

What, like writing a story?

Oh ha ha. I am writing one. I’m just taking a break.

Break my arse. Admit it, this is another of your masterclasses in how to use a blog post as a means of avoiding writing.

No! I’m just clearing my thoughts. It was going pretty well actually. The story…

…was shite! You’ve managed fifty words in an hour. Fifty eight highly depressing and tedious words I might add.

Whose side are you on?

There are no sides. There is but the spinning of a coin from the fingers of an ancient God, weary of the piteous trials of men. He refuses to call head or tail yet remains content to laugh soundlessly from the pit where his soul used to reside and so the wheel turns on a setting sun and the game plays ceaselessly within…

What the f…

Sorry. It’s that impossibly shit fantasy novel you’ve been reading for the last three months bleeding into my thoughts. Your thoughts. Our thoughts. Whatevs.

It’s not that bad. It’s actually getting…

Do NOT say better. Every single page is either about killing demons or having sex. Sometimes it’s both. It’s like a fifteen page idea stretched to about nine million pages over what will no doubt be a series of about nineteen novels. Give me a Thomas Covenant or a Drizzt Do’Urden any day of the week.

Fine. It’s shit. But I’ve started it so I…

The world is not going to end if you don’t finish a book. Read something else or I guarantee the fifty eight words you’ve written tonight based on some weird metaphor for pressure and banging on about your soul being ground into nothingness by the passing of time will be the pinnacle for you. Just stay away from Murakami for a while – being a swearing cat wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I still wake up shuddering about where my tongue went.

Anything else?

Nope. That’ll be all. Get back to your writing. Once you’ve wasted another half an hour agonising over which tags to attach to this excuse for a blog post of course…not to mention the two hours you’ll spend looking for a suitable featured image, the fifteen minutes deciding a category, the twenty seven previews, the witty and utterly pointless hashtags…oh very funny choice of image. Ha bloody ha. You do realise what a twat you are, don’t you?


And you’re a crappy writer.

Yep. But you love me.

Yeah. Sort of.

10 thoughts on “Just Chatting With My Brain

  1. This is great!!! It reminds me of a conversation I had with my brain not too long ago…
    “You are no R.A. Salvatore,” it said.
    “You’re right,” I said.
    “You’ll never make it Dragonlance acclaim.”
    “You’re not wrong.”
    And THAT was the end of my attempt at a fantasy novel. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wrote a lengthy comment, but erased it. Instead I’ll post it on my own blog because wouldn’t you know? The topic got away from me. And from you. I’m sorry. But on the other hand, once again you inspire me! I don’t know if it’s any good, I haven’t written it yet. But it could be good. It could be the best thing I’ve ever written. And since I’m such an incredibly positive guy, I’ll leave it at that. Maybe I won’t write the best thing I’ll ever write, but thanks for giving me the possibility. See. That wasn’t too bad of a comment, was it? Alright! Off to write it. ATVB

    Liked by 1 person

    • Am very much looking forward to reading it Tobbe – I’ve got a thrilling meeting to attend shortly so it could be just the thing I need to get me through…

      It’s a great comment – any time I inspire you through the medium of silliness makes me a happy chap!

      Cheers my friend


    • I keep telling her that but she’s having none of it Diane. Still, at least when we air our mental dirty laundry in public it seems to appeal to people so it’s not all bad 🙂 Thanks for all the reads and comments today – always appreciated!


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