Where The AREs?

There really is nothing like finding a new thing to get annoyed about to improve my mood. Today’s chestnut of delight is something that appears to be proudly South African and is growing faster than a dassie being force-fed a steady diet of steroid-addled squirrels.

South Africa has shown remarkable fortitude and resilience over the last quarter of a century. It continues to face enormous challenges but remains an extraordinary place to live. Culturally, however, it is difficult to keep eleven official languages alive and thriving and inevitably there have been cutbacks. In a desperate bid to claw back some of the money wasted on Nkandla it seems the country has gone on the offensive.

Faster than you can say poached rhino words are being culled.

I can reveal the first victim of this killing spree.

There are no ares any more.

Or, as it would no doubt be written in print media and on facebook posts or heard in the casual conversation between a recently graduated white sangoma and an unassuming wire bender by the side of a busy road, There no ares any more.

Here are some examples of phrases you can expect to encounter on a daily basis.

When you leaving please let me know

Where you going?

Why you bothering to write this blog?

And, my personal favourite which receives maximum manglement points…

They on they way to town with they kids

It. Drives. Me. Mad.

I was slowly coming to terms with the spelling mistakes the preposterous apostrophes and the garbled grammar (that’s just in my own work) but this is tipping me over the edge.

IT’S NOT THAT HARD! YOU DUMBING THE LANGUAGE DOWN FOR OUR KIDS AND WE NOT GOING TO STAND BY AND SEE THEY EDUCATION SUFFER

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH…IT’S CATCHING…

FORTHELOVEOFWHATEVERFICTIONALGODFLOATSYOURBOATSHOOTMENOW

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8 thoughts on “Where The AREs?

  1. Just breathe. Breathe – there now try to keep calm. I am sure they are just around the corner and when it’s safe they’ll be back. Look there are two of them in this little piece alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Are you kidding me? I’ve been trolling through my manuscript getting rid of the f**kers!#@%$

    On a side note, ‘are’ we becoming lazy with written language? Not dumbing but simplifying? Trying to find easier ways for texting, culling word count(s)or reducing content to generate a message suitable for a twitter line?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Language is always something that evolves I guess and I think you are spot on about the nature of language changing as the available media changes.

      I’m just waiting for the first person to say the word LOL in an actual conversation 🙂

      Like

  3. I have the biggest urge to write a really long comment here and leave out not just “are”, but “is” as well. I’m not… because I promised I’d be non-sarcastic today. Yes, it’s a word… I just used it! (It’s going to be a long day.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nothing like a bit of word invention to kick off your day! You is/are a cruel woman to even contemplate such a comment (and it would have been hilarious I’m sure!) 🙂 On a weird side note it gets even more confusing here because in Afrikaans there is no distinction between is and are – for are you use “is” and for is you use…”is”. Cue amazing lost in translation moments and comedy nuggets…

      Liked by 1 person

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