My Swaiku Is…

Traditionally (so I’m led to believe) haiku poetry doesn’t contain a lot of swearing. Which is a shame I think given the beauty of the following piece.

Bird sips from cool stream

Noticing not my rifle.

Ha! Got you, fucknuts.

From now on I will classify them as Swaiku.

So that I can avoid certain death at an uncertain moment.

From haiku ninja death squads and such.

Fourteen Rands make one

Dollar. Inflation looming.

Rate hike next. Bollocks.

I’ve been in South Africa for less than a decade. When I arrived a dollar would set you back about seven rands. Last night it would have cost me fourteen.

Fourteen to one.

My brain hurts just thinking about it.

But not as much as it pains me to contemplate that it now costs somewhere in the region of twenty one rands to buy a single British pound.

The local Twitterati have had a humorous field day with #strongerthantherand trending like…well like a runaway currency.

Ashley Madison’s security system is #strongerthantherand

What doesn’t kill you makes you #strongerthantherand

My weed is #strongerthantherand

You get the idea.

I guess it proves the old* adage that when your currency is going for a ball of shit which in turn will lead to inflation which in turn will lead to interest rate hikes in a country where people already pay a prime lending rate close to ten percent which should in theory slow the decline in the currency not that it’ll matter because all that’s going to do is alter the nature by which you remain a financial prisoner within your own country given that you won’t have any money left outside of your monthly bond payments regardless of the fact that the slowing exchange rate means you would in theory have more international spending power if you could only go abroad which you can’t for the aforementioned reasons and so you sink into a deep fiscal-related depression and hit the bottle hard assuming of course there’s any booze left because let’s face it the next looming crisis after electricity is water and we all know that 99% of booze is in fact water (100% if it’s Budweiser) and there won’t be any to waste what with our esteemed leader needing to keep his fire pool topped up and to have enough on hand to waterboard the public prosecutor next time she looks like speaking a truth he doesn’t want to hear (allegedly) the best thing you can do is laugh.

* subject to waiting thirty years before reading this.

I’m off. All this ranting is making me sleepy. If anyone wants me I will be scouring my man drawer for loose change leftover from my last UK trip. Should be enough to get the kids through (local) college.

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4 thoughts on “My Swaiku Is…

  1. So – is it the rand that is making you all sweary in the land of Haiku or perhaps the Haiku Gods knew you were about to sully their pristines and decided to make you pay in advance. Such are the question we must ask ourselves when the whisky is running low and the sky is growing light. It’s all cyclical – trust me on this !!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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