For Whom The Phone Rings

“…we have no choice. Make the call.”

“To who, sir?”

“To whom.”

“Is that a surname or a first name sir?”


Toobey…Toohey…Toohulme. There we go. Agnes or Frank, sir?”

“To whom you idiot. You said to who which I corrected to…oh never mind. Just make the call.”

“To who, sir?”

“Sid Taser you blithering buffoon.”

“That could spell disaster sir.”

“Ah. So you are familiar with his reputation?”

“No sir. Never heard of him. Is he in finance?”

“Finance? Have you taken leave of your senses? He’s off books. A ghost. He doesn’t exist. I assumed you knew that when you mentioned disaster.”

“Disaster sir?”

“Yes you crepuscular cretin. At the very mention of his name you said it could spell disaster. For whom? And in what context?”

“Errm…in the context of rearranging the letters of his name sir. I’m not sure where this Forehulme chap fits in though. Should I call him?”

“Get out of my sight you pernickety pillock. Tell Ida to call Sid Taser. She’s got him on speed dial.”

“Right you are sir…”

“You’re still here. What is it?”

“Well sir. I’m a bit puzzled is all sir.”

“As to what?”

“Speed dial, sir.”

“For the love of…It’s an elementary concept to grasp even for a bemused bespawler such as yourself. Each telephone in the office allows important numbers to be stored and accessed at the touch of a button. Sid Taser is number three on Ida’s phone I believe.”

“It wasn’t the speed dial concept so much as the execution to be honest sir.”

“Execution. Now there’s a thought. What about the execution you pathetic pipsqueak?”

“Well sir, I just thought with Mr Taser being a ghost and all that…”



Important note: this may end up in an actual story one day. With characters and stuff. And a plot. Maybe. Saying that, it’s been stuck in a document with some vague notes for a month now so who knows. 

Importanter note: on reflection the important note wasn’t actually that important.


Header Image: “Hungarian Telephone Factory 1937 Budapest” by Takkk – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons –

8 thoughts on “For Whom The Phone Rings

  1. Always nice to have different notes of importance. Toobey was almost a slight towards me, but I forgive you. Funny as usual. I think you should use your notes, follow the directives and write a bloody story! Not bloody as in drip-drip, loads of gore, but bloody as in a British “f-ing” story. Actually, make it bloody. And while you’re at it, make it f-ing bloody. (For any children reading this post: F-ing stands for fascinating, which means I didn’t use correct grammar when I wrote fascinating(ly) bloody. And also, why aren’t you asleep? It’s way past your bedtime for fuck’s sake.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Don’t talk to me about bedtime you…you…fascinator you…no-one tells me what to do. Except my wife. And some other people. And my kids. And the dog gives me that I-may-generally-be-passive-but-cross-me-and-I-will-fucking-eat-you look most days come to think of it.

      Fine whatever I’ll write some stories if it’ll keep you happy. Honestly, this endless support, friendship and fun is getting really tedious 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah Tobbe (or Toobey as I like to call him) and I are a real double act. Act and Act. Except he likes to be called Tac and I’m a Cat (except on Sundays).

      We’re much better than those unreal double acts. I’ve always hated those.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You can’t beat a bit of Saturday morning bemusement 🙂 Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment – so pleased to hear you enjoyed it. I will probably expand on this story as I think there’s much fun to be had…! Cheers, Nik

      Liked by 1 person

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