There’s A Pit Marked Out In Hell

“What’s wrong with you?”

“What do you mean?”



“Wow. Where do I start. OK, so far tonight you’ve nearly wet yourself laughing about the fact that some people pronounce the letter d really badly so that it sounds like the letter j.”

“Yeah but you’ve got to admit that the idea of the morning jew who leaps out in the dark hour before dawn unleashing water-based napalm from his kosher spraygun on all living things is a pretty funny idea.”

“Hilarious. Why would he even exist?”

“Because he hates grass. At an almost cellular level.”


“Dunno. Probably an orthodox thing. Maybe it comes from all the years he spent traversing icy peaks with the mountain jew who made his fortune in some weird, oddly addictive, American fizzy beverage before shunning the world and its oyster. As you’d expect given the distinctly non-kosher nature of shellfish.”

“Moving swiftly on, you then compared our three year old daughter carrying a cup of milk through the kitchen to Muhammad Ali trying to light the Olympic flame.”

“In my defense she was pretty tottery.”

“In your defense? There is no defense! That’s utterly shameful and disgraceful.”

“It isn’t like I have any control over this you know. I don’t tell my brain what to think, she kind of does it all by her feline self.”

“Don’t give me that my brain is really operated by a female cat line again. Think of the example you’re setting the kids! Imagine what horrors they’re going to turn into because of your nonsense. It’s a complete miracle they have words in their vocabulary that aren’t classified as swearing. What hope is there for them with you rampaging through their daily lives? What have you got to say for yourself?”


12 thoughts on “There’s A Pit Marked Out In Hell

  1. Due as in “due date” is a word used a lot in my work, and always have an internal giggle whenever someone says “Jew date” at the idea of some judd apatow style raunchy rom com.

    Liked by 1 person

      • it’s just occurred to me that for some odd linguistic quirk they don’t say Jew jate or Jew jilligence. Anyway, I’m gonna stop now before I’m accused of something I’d rather not be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve also noticed that – and I hear you about being accused of something you are not. I was also a little worried when I wrote the post that readers might think I’m being prejudiced rather than just being someone who laughs about the DJ thing – glad to see it was taken in the spirit it was given.


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