Becoming Hubert

As a rule I don’t tend toward violence but Hubert, fat useless fuck that he is, brings out the devil in me so to speak. Every movement he makes is a stain on my existence but he is, at least, regular.

Tomorrow morning at precisely 7.27am in he will shuffle, pause briefly next to the dog food then grease-waddle his way along the aisle. For sin I shall play my designated role as the dutiful shopkeeper and attend to him with smiles and no small courtesy.

That is, of course, if I don’t stay out all night in the rain.

Ah, Hubert. It’s me not you. You are not the fault, merely the focus.

The softest target.

His features droop like unset putty and I am convinced that were I to strike him I would neither draw blood nor break bone, rather, I would smear him and only succeed in increasing the circumference of his already overstated head.

There is a violence in me that wants to try it out but the idea of a flattened, elongated Hubert-nose angling downwards from the first of his chins like a flaccid worm is too much for me to bear.

One could perhaps hope to be washed away in a storm such as this. Rinsed out into an oversized drain to blindly navigate the bowels of the city before being flung out to sea. Lady Luck, bitch that she is, would no doubt guarantee my survival just to allow me to be dashed upon the rocks by Mother Nature.

I picture myself slipping broken into the sea with only the sound of two whores laughing to drown out the waves.

Some day I will doubtless wash up salt-swollen on some distant shore.

My jellied mind blissfully unaware of the Hubert I have become.


17 thoughts on “Becoming Hubert

    • Thanks Lee – I’ve got a notepad with a bunch of sketchy ideas and rather than falling back on my usual tendency to just file them away forever I’m trying to at least turn them into flash fiction! Appreciate you taking the time to read as always – and I’m glad you liked it

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’m also a bit worried about him! Not the happiest of chaps that’s for sure 🙂 glad you enjoyed the descriptions and as always really apppreciate you reading and commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I love the darkness and the anger of your protagonist in this! Especially the turning of an internal fury/frustration on some other poor schmuck who is just unlucky enough to be the focal point for that rage. Your powers of description are always brilliant! And they’re quite visceral in this 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Ana – he appeared out of nowhere and has slunk off to the recesses of my brain again…but I suspect he’ll visit again one day!

      Glad you enjoyed it and thanks so much for the kind words!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Esther – thanks for taking the time to read and comment, always good to have your thoughts! There are bound to be things that appeal to you more (and in this case, less!) as I tend to write all manner of things on the blog. I never stay in dark and evil mode for long 🙂


  2. I don’t know how I missed this before, but I’m glad I found it, because wow! Your descriptions here are fan-flipping-TASTIC. The bit about “smearing” him was perfect. It might be interesting to see this piece extended, involving more people like poor Hubert who did nothing wrong but are the unwitting targets of this guy’s rage. Maybe it could end with him running out of people to hate so he’s left only with himself to hate, which might be why he hates others in the first place. Just thinking out loud, it’s your piece of course – I just didn’t want the great prose to end! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Noel! You can think out loud in your comments any time – always appreciated! So pleased you liked this one and I agree that he is a character worth pursuing further…! Sorry I haven’t caught up with some of your recent posts – I’m on holiday in Wales at the moment and internet time is blissfully fleeting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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